I saw the one-acts at Beaumont tonight. They were great. But every time I see a play these days, I’m like “Why am I not in this?”. Seeing all these kids with you know, a school to do a play at….I’m jealous. I know I shouldn’t be and that it’s bad and all that but….I go from 5-6 plays a year to nothing. I think it’s part of the reason I’m feeling so lost.
But wow, the talent you gave some of these people…awesome. I also was just thinking about the human body. I mean that’s just brilliant. Sure, it has its weaknesses at times, but I don’t blame you for that.

For the girl Zoe I met. She really can’t be convinced that she deserves to live, and it’s really sad. I tried to talk to her, but when I asked her if I had helped at all, she said “not really”. Please try to talk to her.
For dad and his crew in Honduras right now and the “godsent” medical supplies he came across at the clinic. They’re “doing big things” down there and I’m sure they could use some prayers.
For Hugh and Diane, something is apparently happening there that prevents either of them speaking to me. It does suck, but I’m praying that she gets her issues worked out so Hugh can have a frickin break!
For this upcoming semester. I’m not anticipating too much academic difficulty, but you know how I am making friends. I’m worried, I’m not going to lie, I want to be the person I was at Regina, the one that people really liked. But I just don’t have that confidence. Still I was reading “Catching Fire” and, while I know it’s fiction, the fact that the main girl and her best friend go out and hunt in any weather and support their families at their young age while I’m afraid to talk to people I don’t know already…hit hard. I can’t keep thinking “when I lose weight, I’ll be confident and start conversations and make friends!” because I’m not going to be 140 any time soon.
I’m also going to try to cut back on the swearing. I don’t even know why I’ve been doing it more and more often but I don’t like it.

Oh, and I’m going to need some serious divine help getting this show to happen. I believe it will, but some major issues have got to be worked out. Thanks in advance.

Thy Will Be Done,
Meg

Looking for some serious guidance here.
“Do what you love in college.”
“College is to train yourself for a job, choose your major accordingly!”
“You’re good with kids, how about education?”
“Pre-Med all the way!”
“Ever thought about veterinary medicine?”
“But theater is your passion!”

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO! Or where to go, or who to talk to, or what to choose.
Yeah, I’m good at theater, but I’m starting to think that I can take the ideas and types of things that happen backstage and turn them into something more helpful and productive. Like education.
I want to do more with Honduras too, of course…

Please, please, please, guide me while I try to make these decisions. I’m definitely going to college, but where and for what?

And what do I do until then? Just keep working hard? I keep hearing “it’ll pay off!”…waiting, waiting…

Still…thank you for retreat. It went much better than I thought it would, and I think it really brought us together. Most of us at least. Thanks for the nice weather (break from the snow, yesss), and for allt the nuns, and for the Imagination Movers . You’re the best. For real.

Thy Will Be Done,
Meg

I’m in a rut, but a very productive rut.
I’m a few days away from a license, I’ll have a car to use, I’m studying up for the ACT and SAT, Expect Respect is gonna be a good thing for me, I’m helping at CVLT (LOVE!) and things are fine.

Except for the job situation. I was almost fired…because I studied at the register, apparently not allowed. But they give me one shift a week now, while other cashiers are complaining about working six days in a row. What?! I’m scared to ask if I did something…but I’m just going to keep working hard. Not to brag, but I’m extremely good at my job. I’m efficient, accurate, and focused (meaning I don’t have friends to talk to like the other kids, so I focus on the work), but the people in charge don’t see that. I keep telling myself that my hard work will pay…but I’ve been waiting for 16 years…and nothing. But I’ll keep believing and you keep doing your thang!

Something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with me socially. I can’t handle relationships, no matter how much I need to. I’ve driven everyone away. My cats won’t even hang out with me…in short, I’ve failed. Good thing I’ll be starting over soon. Maybe I can stop lying to myself next time.
Julie doesn’t even care anymore. I’ll be surprised if she ever cares enough to read this.

Have you ever wanted to disappear? Yeah. Yeah that’d be nice. I’m officially worthless. The one thing I was was fun. But I’m not fun anymore.

What do I have going for me? I work hard. Okay…that’ll get me through life I’m sure.

What the heaven is my problem?

BTW Julie’s comment…about my spirituality. Ouch. Can’t even pray right. You really screwed up when you made me.

I got a part in Expect Respect. “Teach”. I guess that means the substitute teacher who comes in and forces them to be open with each other…it’s not even a part you can audition for..they choose people special for this part…AWESOME!

Thank you, Lord. On my lord, lord lord lorrrddd. That was my favorite part of “Glory”.

Things I Can’t Wait To Learn About You:
- How you manage 6 billion people’s daily lives
- What you look like
- If you’re as great as I think you are (I know a lot of time you look up to someone, then it’s like “Oh….okay…”)
- How you created the world, the universe, me

- What you were thinking when you created me…seriously, what?
- How you get people to realize that you’re there
- Organized religion? Really?

You probably think I’m nuts. Completely crazy. But I work hard, and I’m still trying, while everyone around me gives up. I know you know that…and maybe someday, I’ll get something in return? Just throwing that out there?

I gotta stop swearing..help me to get ready for confirmation. It might not be going down the way I would haveliked it to go down…but might as well make the best of it.

Help me make the best of this time to myself. Maybe I can go back to school a nongrumpy nice person.

But of course, the thank yous
For the kittens, and the kittens’ kittens.
HUGE thanks for the part in Expect Respect.
For understanding
For Jen and Russ and their wedding. IM SO PSYCHED
For sunshine
For all the possibilities for my future
For Regina, and everything and everyone related to Regina…world’s biggest thank you for the chance to go to Regina and get what I could out of it.

Is it so hard to understand the concept of wanting to be alone?
I just want to keep to myself, and Julie’s not the first one to get mad at me for it. I’m trying to be nice about it….what the heck?

I know that one day…all the extra work I do for the same credit…will pay off, right?….Right? In any case, I know that I’ve gone above and beyond…and that’s what you want, right? RIGHT?! I guess I just would like some confirmation that how I’m working is right…

I am the worst friend ever. Why? WHY?!

Maybe…I’m focusing so hard on taking care of the things people need me to do (with a notable exception that I feel terrible about) that I stopped focusing on the actual people.

Maybe I’ll just be a hermit. The world wouldn’t miss me much if I just got a place somewhere and created the Ultimate MEGLAIR!

Help me out with this prism/regent song? Please!

ENORMOUS thank you prayer for that show.
NEVER have I been so deeply invested in a show, in a character.
Everytime I try to put the experience into words I just start crying.
I even appreciate the arrogant twits! They show me what not to do. Seriously.

Thank you for Julie, Lisa, Sean, Mrs Mondello, Senor Winkler, Luke…
Luke helped me out big time. Luke and Julie had me set. Needed sugar? Check Luke’s vest. Getting thirsty? Jule’s got a gallon of water. Nervous? Just find either of them.
I really do like him. Too bad he’ll never like me the same way. Luke like GIRLS. Not…Meg.
Anyway… I LOVED recreating the character of Cogsworth. THAT’S why I do this. Not for shallow reasons, really. I just love to. And I can’t wait to start on another.

For Sarah…just during this show, she’s grown so much, her stage presence, her humor, her friendability. She’s just great…she’s immensely talented vocally, and she’s great onstage, she plays piano beautifully, and she’s still humble. I couldn’t have asked for a better counterpart.

For understanding, especially with Julie, I know I handle disappointment like a guy, angry instead of sad, and it ends up affecting her or someone else. Sorry.

I’m a really bad person.

For the love of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, help her knock it off.
And help anyone else struggling with themselves…please, it doesn’t just hurt them.

Tell me what I’m doing wrong, there’s got to be something I can improve.

Oh, and I feel this REALLY strong calling to deaf education…I can’t shake it. Is that you? You want me to do that? Works for me if it works for you. I’m thinking it was you because it came from like nowhere.

I’m just trying to get in something new on here before I fall asleep.

For sleep regulation…it’s been weird lately.
For guidance for the doctors helping me.
For the people we talked about in wellness today. The ones who come back from Iraq or Afghanistan on leave, and kill themselves before they have to go back. For their families, and for their happiness.

For the people trying for perfection…that they try for excellence instead.

For help getting that 4.0 I need.

Thanks for everything. Life has been fine lately, just fine, pretty hilarious sometimes (I love my life), but I need a change…just a few new introductions…you know?

Thy Will Be Done,
Meg

Now I’m going to bed this second. So exhausted haha

I can’t stop eating. When I get home…I just eat and eat and eat.
I keep telling stupid little lies, too, for no reason at all!
Help me, please. This prayer is for me.

I pray that I can be honest. Just be honest. That shouldn’t be as difficult as I make it.
Help me moderate myself when it comes to food. And to keep motivated with exercise and all that.
I also need your help focusing on school work. Shoot, I should be doing that right now…but I’m falling asleep…that reminds me…
Help me to stop making excuses and just take responsibility.
I ask for peace. Inner peace, contentment with myself, my past, my present, my future. But I also pray for the motivation to improve.
I feel so guilty everytime I spend money on anything…am I supposed to? are you trying to tell me something?

Now for everything else…
For the Atheists…that they can see what they’re missing
For the Lippert family, and the Beaumont and Gesu communities…they helped us when we lost Mary, now it’s our turn to support them.
For all of our teachers…that they find fantastic new jobs, or at least bearable new jobs.
For Sr. Seton…she does so much for others that we probably don’t see. She’s nice.

I’m very sleepy…good night.

Thy Will Be Done,
Meg

Why can’t I grow up?
Why do I keep starting arguments?
Why am I so pissy like 70% of the time?
“What is up with me lately?”

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, GOD?!